Deadlifts And Daydreams: My Mental Fitness Journey

Emma Crossing The Finish Line Of The 2024 Craft Half Marathon

I propose adding a new diagnosis to the medical dictionaries: running-intolerant. It can be defined as “not able to trot, jog, or run any distance without feeling tortured.”

I was running-intolerant until the age of 27. As a self-proclaimed “lifting faster is my cardio” type of athlete, I preferred workouts with short bursts of high effort throughout a 90-minute gym session to even a 30-minute Zone 2 run. I found it significantly easier and more attractive to focus raptly for 15 seconds to finish a difficult lift than to allow my mind to wander as I slowly inched from 0.5 miles, to 1 mile, and beyond.

Strength and endurance training have a symbiotic relationship as far as training goes. Each type of training is responsible for stimulating different pathways in our bodies that contribute to our overall speed, strength, power, resistance to fatigue, and ability to improve our skills. “Hybrid” training combines the benefits of both types of training to ensure that we are both strong and fast athletes, able to take on half marathons and heavy lifts equally.

In my journey, I have also found that each type of training impacts my mental state differently. My strength training is primarily composed of powerlifting movements, which focus on lifting the most weight possible in three lifts – bench press, squat, and deadlift. While lifting, I am required to concentrate fully and exclusively on the barbell path, breathing patterns, core engagement, and other cues that tell me when and where to shift my weight to properly complete the lift – all within a matter of 10 seconds at most. It’s not possible for my mind to drift to worrying about a work project or ruminating on something silly I said last week. If I’m not totally dialed in, the lift will suffer and I could get hurt too! Since I started powerlifting in 2016, I have thrived on this mentality and was grateful for each 10-second reprieve from the thoughts constantly swirling around in my head. It helped me to build a strong foundation in my legs, core, and back, and the grit to help me get through any tough push up a hill or during a sprint.

But where this left me weak was during those much longer pushes that comprise the majority of endurance training. As a result, I truly found running to be torturous. I am a person whose mind is busier than Boston on Marathon Monday and I have a tendency to be my own worst enemy. Being left alone with my thoughts on the scale of minutes? No way. Every few weeks to months I checked in to make sure I could get through a 5K distance in about 30 minutes, with music blasting, of course. But the idea of running longer than that, or without a distraction, received a resounding “no” from me.

That was, until July 31st, 2022. After finishing the mental equivalent of a marathon for my graduate school program over the course of July, I went out for a run on a hot Sunday afternoon and I enjoyed it. And then I did it again, and again. Something in me had just clicked, and I could tolerate being with my thoughts long enough to run and to be able to focus over a much longer period of time than before. Likely due in no small part to therapy, incorporating mindfulness into my routine, and a willingness to try something new sponsored by being cooped up for so long during 2020 and 2021. 

I ran my very first 5K race at the October 2022 $5K, and though I felt proud of my time for being so new to running training, I was most proud that I was able to tune out the noise and focus on my breathing, my foot placement, my pace, and just enjoying moving. Over the next six months, I built my way up to running for an hour and finally made it around Salem Lake with a huge smile on my face and true enjoyment throughout the entire race. I continued to grow into longer distances and hit another major milestone by running my first half marathon at CraftHalf in April 2024. As I achieved these goals, I learned to quiet the demons in my mind, or at least grew a better tolerance for them.

Endurance and strength training both play key roles in overall performance and health. But to me, they are as uniquely influential on my mental fitness as they are for my physical fitness. I have found that it is equally important to be able to tune out the noise and dial in to focus for a quick, challenging push as it is to be able to settle into a longer-term internal monologue that is engaged, encouraging, and honest but optimistic. Many types of fitness that I have explored required both of these types of mental states within a single session – climbing a long route with several difficult moves, running a Spartan race with tough obstacles, participating in a Crossfit competition that mixes cardio and lifting, and hiking a challenging trail with lots of elevation change and rock scrambling.

I am certainly no expert in achieving an ideal mental state for your fitness; everyone’s journey will be different. But here are a few tips that have worked for me:

  • Practicing boredom: If you are anything like me, being truly bored and without any distractions can be painful. But I’ve practiced being bored by trying to walk without music, talking on the phone, or texting. Then, I learned how to do this with running. Now I look forward to being away from stimulation for the length of my workout.
  • Mind control: A skill that the Headspace app teaches well is how to alternate between letting your mind wander and bringing it back to focus. After all, the mind is a muscle with its own version of concentric and eccentric motions – and we need to practice both. Sometimes we can tune out on our runs and just think about what’s for dinner, and other times we need to remember to actively pace ourselves and regulate our breathing.
  • Positive self-talk: Sometimes the voice in your head might need a bit of a reframe to be tolerable to spend time with throughout the duration of a run. Positive self-talk was certainly not something that came easily to me. I had to actively practice phrases like “you’re doing great,” “you got this, girl,” and “you can do hard things” so that I could access them when I really needed them. It might feel silly at first, but you can practice these in your head or out loud in the mirror. It’ll get easier with time and will start to become a habit, so you can remember to be kind to yourself even when you’re deep in the pain cave.

Finding community: Sometimes the best antidote to being in your head when running is to find friends to run with. Even if you’re too out of breath to talk, having a companion to struggle with can make everything feel just a little bit easier. Twin City Track Club is obviously a great place to start for this!